there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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