conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
