I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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