White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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