My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
