i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
