I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
