Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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