I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We're not piercing ourselves today.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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