Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Best friends brother. Beat that.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Randomize
