Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
