you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
