You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
