They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
