Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
