I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Randomize