Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
