he thought i was a dude.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
