I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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