I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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