I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
