Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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