If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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