Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
