you would pick up someone in the library
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just found puke in my bra..
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
