he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Bring me that man meat
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
