You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
