She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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