I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
