It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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