i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
