Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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