I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
