I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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