TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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