NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
foreskin is a definite game changer
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
