He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
