Jerry, you need to find god
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
