I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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