I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Found your dick twin last night
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
