I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
