He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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