You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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