i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
