I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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