I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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