either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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