I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
