watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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