either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
