were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize