You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize