If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
