Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
