1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
