I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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