apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
