i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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