Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
