my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
