quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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