Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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