four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Randomize