I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
