I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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